This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
