Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
where are my eyebrows?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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