Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
