I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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