she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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