no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
