I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
