is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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