My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
