she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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