I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize