why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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