Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
