I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
