whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
