dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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