Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
