wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
