so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
