grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
