R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This baby is an asshole
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
