does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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