Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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