he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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