So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
