He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
God, I missed his penis.
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