I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Drunk is not a location!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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