don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
