So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
