I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
