Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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