Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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