The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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