our cab driver is having phone sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
