C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
