I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
