there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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