all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The uberlube is also flammable
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
