Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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