I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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