I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
