So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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