1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She bit a glass in half.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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