So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
