i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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