party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
