Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
