THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
