just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
