His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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