And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
