I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pants are for mortals
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
