Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish my penis had a tongue
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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