Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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