went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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