Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
