He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so explain again why im purple
no
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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