So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
