those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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