so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
