I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
